FREE [I'm Afraid of Men]
S such as wearing my mother s clothing or even my body had not been gendered or designated as either feminine or masculine at all Despite the ways in which my gender felt enforced I sometimes miss elements of my masculine past ike the thickness of my beard or the once impressive width of my biceps Maybe this missing is actually mourning in disguise for having to surrender aspects of my appearance I worked hard to achieve Or maybe I m mourning a Desire Me More (Desire Me, life that I still don t get to fullyive because it s one I continue to have to defend and authenticate What if I didn t have to give up any characteristics especially ones I A Teachers Guide to American Tapestry like to outwardly prove I am a girl What ifiving my truth now didn t immediately render everything that came before namely my manhood a What Happens to Our Trash? lie This was such a powerful book I must admit I knew veryittle about transsexuals and I had no idea how many different ways rejection impacted their perception of self and identity To constantly have to check yourself as far as a gender meter am I too feminine for this group too masculine for this group seems to me to be a burden that would be overwhelming Vivek is raw and honest about how The Pursuit of Mary Bennet life treats this community and how uickly allies can turn away from you if you do not meet their expectations a powerful and important book I m afraid of men because it was men who taught me fear I m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon they used to hurt me I m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to hate and eventually destroy my femininity I m afraid of men because it was men who taught me to fear the extraordinary parts of myselfAs per her current author blurb Vivek Shraya is an artist whose body of work crosses the boundaries of music poetry fiction visual art and film and in I m Afraid of Men truly aong essay than a full Scandals and Secrets (Hearts Of Fire, length book she uses stories from her unusualife to illustrate her journey from being born a boy who was always accused of being too feminine to coming out as a gay man who was then accused of not being buff enough to fit into the gay culture to eventually transitioning into a woman who is now accused of not being feminine enough Throughout this process of self discovery Shraya has Shooting for a Century learned to be afraid of men and women too who would confront nonconformity with violence and while some of her declarative statements weren t uite self evident to me I think that hers is an important voice to add to any conversation about gender or sexual nonconformity Hearing stories about how other peopleive helps to move them into familiar territory familiarity must I, Partridge lead to acceptance and safety here s to a world in which Shraya is noonger afraid of men Note I read an ARC and uotes may not be in their final formsI have to admit that it challenges me to have Shraya describe her time when she presented as a gay man someone who was butch and buff spoke in a Shadow of the Templar low register dressed in neutrals and plaid and then say that she spent ten of those years in a relationship with a woman Ultimately describing herself as a ueer trans girl Shraya was still presenting as this butch gay man when she met her current boyfriend and was together with him for a while before she even realised she wanted to transition it challenges me to think that this boyfriend would stay along for the ride as his male partner became a female or rather began to outwardly express that part of herself Yet Iike being challenged in this thinking who or how other people decide to Unforgiven (Warriors for the Light love doesn t affect me at all Even so some of Shraya s most politically progressive statements made me raise an eyebrow On the heirarchy of harassment staring is theeast violent conseuence for my gender nonconformity that I could hope for In this particular relationship the process of exposure is especially protracted by how jarring it feels to see my brown skin against your pale skin the skin of the oppressor Whether it s through an emphasis on being Buried Sins (The Three Sisters Inn, large and muscular or asserting dominance by an extended or intimidating stride on sidewalks beingoud in bars manspreading on public transit or enacting harm or violence on others taking up space is a form of misogyny because so often the space that men try to seize and dominate belongs to women and gender nonconforming people But again I d rather be challenged in my thinking than read only things that chime with what I already think I believe and this book gives me plenty to think on As for what solutions Shraya offers that was challenging as well Out of this fear comes a desire not only to reimagine masculinity but to blur gendered boundaries altogether and celebrate gender creativity It s not enough to Six Days in Leningrad let go of the misplaced hope for a good or a better man It s not enough to honour femininity Both of these options might offer a momentary respite from the dangers of masculinity but in the end they only perpetuate a binary and the pressure that bears down when weive at different ends of the spectrum Just as Shraya now appreciates the chest hair a black flame rising from my bra than I ever did when I was a boy who regularly waxed and trimmed to adhere to the 90s standard she can see a future where gender creativity is celebrated and everyone walks down the street expressing themselves fluidly and without fear of violence I don t know if I can uite see that future but I do firmly believe that the first step in any cultural revolution is The Darkness listening to the stories of others and embracing them as part of thearger human story I wish for Shraya that fear free future. Lative damage caused by misogyny homophobia and transphobia releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate I'm Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of color and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conuer all that makes us afrai.
read & download I'm Afraid of Men
FREE I'm Afraid of Men
Sometimes I read 300 or page books and I wonder if I read anything at all Not everything I stumble across has to make me Flyboy look at the world differently or teach me over and over but I want something memorable because it s much valuable than a book that provides you with the kind of instant pleasure and happiness that youl forget about two days A Dark Sicilian Secret later This very short book not even 100 pagesong had my mind pausing on some of the interactions I have had with guys So much of what Vivek Shraya shares in here is a punch in the heart because it s oh so true She chose carefully which episodes from her Wolf Creek Homecoming (Wolf Creek life she wanted to share but these episodes are meaningful and raw and provide comfort at timesTwo months ago I was hanging out with this guy Iiked We had fun conversations online and I met him three years before So I thought we could try hanging out in real Black Beech and Honeydew: An Autobiography life to see if we connect He seemed so sweet online and through the phone So we did that Turns out he was a nice person to be around and I started toike his real At the Italians Command life version aot uickly because of our previous conversations But the moment I Oh Baby! let him know I found him attractive and allowed him to touch me our interactions went from friendly to something I didn t really understand Until you know he said he wanted to be friends with benefits Did not see it comingThat and Shraya made me realize that once a guy is aware that he is attractive to you he feels as though he is permitted to touch you or flirt with you or even say vulgar thingsike If you want a guy to believe in butterflies in the stomach suck his d Other times they don t even need that confirmation Obviously I m not sharing everything But I have to say that I overlooked a Her Rancher Hero (Saddlers Prairie, lot of the things this guy said to me because Iiked his attention and he seemed to care Did he really care Probably not I also participated in the flirting because he The Maid of Lorne liked it aot but now I wish I had behaved ike Shraya and refused to flirt back because although some of those conversations were exciting they often eft me feeling a bit empty inside And being over sexualized over and over is not the best feeling in the world But well you How to Become a Virgin learn And you slowly start thinking about what YOUR needs are and what YOU deserve and makes YOU feel good You know what the saddest part is Even though I found that guy attractive and heet me know he didn t want a girlfriend I was okay with being just friends But the flirting continued and continued and what s the point It s not meaningful It s not going anywhere So I guess I m afraid of men too sometimes because I don t know what s in their heads and I don t know what they mean and don t mean I don t know if they re interested in me because I have a refreshing point of view to them or because they Dangerous Disguise (Cavanaugh Justice, like my body I feelike I never will know these things until I ask or until I stop overlooking If something doesn t feel right then it probably isn t Although Shraya is over suspicious I think she is right to be so aware in the world and be careful and ready to bolt if a situation starts going downhill because the opposite being too trusting and caring too fast and wanting to fix things that have no business being fixed is much much worse Blog Youtube Twitter Instagram Google Bloglovin 45 Moving accessible important that s what this book is I The Bosss Baby Surprise loved it My only complaint is that it was so short I think this is a great intro ishevel book on feminismWhat if you were to challenge yourself every time you feel afraid of me and all of us who are pushing against gendered expectations and restrictions What if you cherished us as archetypes of realized potential What if you were to surrender to sublime possibility yours and mine Might you then free me at ast of my fear and of your own Tbh Vivek just isn t in command of her material here The way Vivek continually conflates femininity and women is extremely irritating and I m fed up of trans writers doing this I m tried of people substituting the word feminine for female which Vivek does repeatedly They re not interchangeable If you can discuss male privilege and behaviours you can acknowledge that female people exist We are not just non males Really the book s biggest problem is that it claims to be about misogyny but really it s on toxic masculinity I don t believe that toxic masculinity is a useful concept but that is what this book is about For example calling gay men groping gay men in a gay bar misogyny it s not Also the whole homophobia is just misogyny point is one I find irritating Maybe homophobia is based in misogyny but how is saying that helpful how is it clarifying How is calling men shaming other men for not being muscular misogyny helpful Here it comes across as an attempt to argue that male people including cis men suffer from misogyny just as much as women An attempt by Vivek to wrap up a bunch of their negative experiences by abelling them all the product of misogyny Pass Being a gender non conforming person is scary and Command Performance lonely and hard but this analysis is Just Bad A short yet sobering book written with raw honesty and valuable insights of how we treat women and people within the LGBT community I was surprised to find myself gaining new perspectives based on the uestions that Shraya asks particularly with how we put men on a binary between good bad and the distinction between identifying as LGBT and being expected to have no boundaries I think if this were a fullength memoir I would have easily rated it 5 stars however this 96 page book could improve with being cohesive and organized Div. A trans artist explores how masculinity was imposed on her as a boy and continues to haunt her as a girl and how we might re imagine gender for the twenty first centuryVivek Shraya has reason to be afraid Throughout her ife she's endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as.
Iding the writing into sections ike Me and You feels arbitrary especially when she jumps between different timelines as she recalls experiences I think the book would have been better if she had organized them either chronologically or by subject matter instead it feels The Perfect Blend like a random series of thoughts even though they are important So am I Vivek Shraya has written a timely essay about her and the world s struggle with masculinity What we accept as normal behavior in boys is pretty unsettling when you write it down Femininity is seen as a negative in our world so if a boy displays feminine traits he is automatically denigrated She talks about how she was not accepted with either sex Boys and girls made fun of her one creep spit on her back as Vivek was waiting at a bus stop while the creep s girlfriend giggled She A worthwhile sobering account of Shraya s own experiences with toxic masculinity and societal expectations of gender roles hardly unfamiliar topics if you read aot of this kind of nonfiction but Shraya s perspective as a ueer trans woman of color is a valuable addition to the discourse and I d highly recommend this over a ot of similar books especially if you re ooking for something short and punchy My only issue is that at 96 pages or under 2 hours on audio which is how I consumed it this text sort of awkwardly sits in between Wanted (Sealed with a Kiss long form article and book in a way that suffers occasionally for its brevity Shraya s societal observations are where this book shines consistently it s in the details of her ownife that the reader is Rayuan Sang Bos [Seduced By the Boss] left a bit wanting But as this is essay than memoir it s hard to fault it too much for that This was a very eye opening read that I can see myself revisiting again and again I would beying if I said that the title didn t have a huge influence on my intrigue in this initially however this book ended up giving me way insight than I could have ever guessed Exploring masculinity from the perspective of a trans woman through her experiences both pre and post transition Vivek Shraya delivers a very raw take on how misogyny homophobia and transphobia has impacted her Bachelor to the Rescue (Home to Dover, life A particularly insightful part in this for me was Shraya s take on the good man In spite of my negative experiences I ve maintained a robust attachment to the idea of the good man A common theme in my encounters and relationships is my certainty that the men I have admired were good a synonym for different from the rest The attachment to the promise of goodness is whateft me bereft when in various ways I discovered that each of these men wasn t one of the good guys She goes on to talk about how instead of categorizing men or anyone really as good that we value specific characteristics one possesses such as communication dependability and the ike If we are to focus on specific characteristics as opposed to categorizing people as generally good it not only eliminates the elevated image we ve created of them but unlike how being good cancels out when one does something bad these character attributes can coexist alongside one another Although I can t speak to experiences one faces in the LGBT community I can relate to the experiences and scenarios presented that affect women on a daily basis What I iked about this was also that it didn t skip past the fact that women who defend or feed into misogyny homophobia and transphobia are eually to blame Overall I thought this was very well written and at 96 pages the only thing I wish is that it was Whispers Of The Heart longer A vulnerable powerful examination of gender and masculinity from trans artist Vivek Shraya I m Afraid of Men reminded me of We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie as Shraya uses her personal experiences of sexism and harassment to build a case for why we need to redefine and rebuild masculinity as well as gender overall She shares herived experience as a trans person of color with courage and incision both the pain she has felt at the hands of men and misogynistic women and how she wants us all to move forward to create a better world A short paragraph in which she reflects on what she wishes she had The Dukes Gamble learned growing up as a boy When I wasearning to be a man I wish that instead of the coaching I received to take up space I had been taught to be respectful of space To be ever conscious of and ever grateful to those whose sacred Unmasking the Marquess (Hold Your Breath, land I inhabit To be mindful of the space and bodies of others especially feminine bodies To never presume that I am permitted to touch the body of another no matter how ueer the space To give up or create space when I am afforded than othersThough this book falls on the shorter side Shraya shares many insights that I wish people thought of She discusses how our expectations for men are way tooow how the idea of a good man prevents us from positively reinforcing specific behaviors men should practice and how the gender binary makes us all feel afraid I m Afraid of Men has both intellectual and emotional honesty As someone who has also felt afraid of men throughout his Let Go life because of how they have hurt me I appreciated Shraya s personal disclosures aot and they made me feel connected and Chatsfields Ultimate Acquisition less alone despite the differences in our social identities Recommended to anyone who wants a succinct yet compelling exploration of gender as well as for people who have a difficulty trusting men Il end this review with another earnest passage toward the end of the book I wonder what my Major Westhavens Unwilling Ward (Hh life might have beenike if my so called feminine tendencies such as being sensitive or my interest. A boy and not feminine enough as a girl In order to survive childhood she had to earn to convincingly perform masculinity As an adult she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreakWith raw honesty Shraya delivers an important record of the cumu.
Vivek Shraya is an artist whose body of work crosses the boundaries of music literature visual art theatre and film She is the author of The Subtweet Death Threat even this page is white The Boy The Bindi She of the Mountains and God Loves Hair; and her best selling I’m Afraid of Men was heralded by Vanity Fair as “cultural rocket fuel” She is one half of the music duo