An Affair to Dismember E–pub/Kindle
CK but I let that slide only to run smack into thisLiterally what And literally why I can tell you right now if you will like this book or not Take this fun uizTrue or False1 You like Stephanie Plum think her crazy hijinx are hilarious and want to eat doughnuts with her2 You will excuse a weak mystery for a bunch of funny moments that make you literally LOL and you re okay with looking like a lunatic by laughing hysterically while reading3 A love triangle is fine if you now it s there going into it and it s not that serious anyway No cheating4 Man whores can be redeemed as long as the heroine makes them suffer A lot And he sees his evil ways before she ever considers him5 Grandmas are just plain funny I don t have any grandmas but when I become one someday I plan on being a funny grandma I will totally rock itOkay I m bored with this uiz now so you probably are too If you answered True you need this book than you need to watch that Modern Family episode you have taped More than you need chocolate More than you need sleep at night because you will stay up to read and wake everyone up with your laughingAlso it was another one I found free for Kindle on So the deal is this we meet Glady She is basically an aimless floater in life and has worked jobs than a 10 dollar hooker She does what everyone does when they are super successful moves in with her grandma Glady s grandma is a matchmaker I didn t Demons, Deliverance, Discernment know this was the 1800 s but apparently grandma is older than I thought Or matchmaking is still a thing Or this is fiction I m going to go with old grandma No Time traveling grandma Yeah I like that one Glady is training to do matchmaking herself so she needs to build a good reputation in town Unfortunately her big outing in the town ends up with her climbing a telephone pole to rescue a plastic owl with a bunch of stoners and a fireman having to rescue her and her flashing her underwear to everyone They now refer to her as underwear girl It s been good for police morale Well I m sorry I wasn t up there longer to give everyone a better view Police Chief Don t worry about it They all took photos with their cellphones he said The Police Chief has nicknamed her Pinky underwear color and is too hot for his own good He s also a major man whore Spencer Bolton had a wellnown scorched earth policy when it came to women He was pure poison to anyone in a dress He was the Al aeda of penises and I was determined to never see him naked But don t worry She tortures him in every way possible Not only is she amateur detectiving over who may or may not have Some Prefer Nettles by Junichiro Tanizaki Summary Study Guide killed her neighbor but she is doing a better job than his cops She also might have stolen his car at one pointHe got snippy with her over that I don t care for your tone I said My tone How about my gun You like my gun He pulled back his jacket to show me his sidearm Big bad policeman I pulled out the Mace Is that my Mace Veins popped out on his neck and his nostrils flared Maybe You stole my car and my Mace I borrowed them Don t be so dramatic I would have taken the shotgun but it was locked Alsoeeping man whore on his toes is the fact that Glady has a new hot neighbor who is definitely interested Holden s mouth turned up into a smile He was really handsome like an advertisement for fresh air muscles and sex appeal Yeah we need advertisements for those thingsSo it s a little triangley The police chief shows interest but they don t actually go out on a date or anything It is like an attraction going on The neighbor on the other hand is interested for sure and wants to date Glady if she could ever stop being the target for every lunatic or Well Meet Again killer aroundThis book was a lot of fun and I m excited that Overdrive has of the series I received this boo. R to the family business in the uaint small town of Cannes California Gladie is also highly unualified Her beloved grandmother’s business is matchmaking and Gladie has a terrible track record with romance Still despite evidence to the contrary Zelda is convinced that her granddaughter has “the gift” But when the going gets tough Gladie wonders if this gift has a return policy When Zelda’s neighbor drops dead in hisitchen Gladie is swept into his bizarre family’s.
K via a Goodreads giveaway Sigh I probably should have DNf ed it instead I plowed through This is a really good example of an author trying too hard and editors letting things go that they shouldn t have The author focused so much on creating slapstick scenes and zaney characters that she forgot to have the story make sense Examples where did everyone get their money from Randy had no money from heists was jailed for large chunks of his life but lived in a mansion and gave away thousands to others who were blackmailing him Grandma was practically agoraphobic yet made enough money matchmaking to buy a sprawling victorian house Really Peter drove a Porsche but admitted he also had no money Why does this small town have a 850k glass cell but no 911 Are there towns that close to San Diego without 911 How could the Terns harass Lulu via phone day and night when she lived in a shack in the woods and had no phone I could go on but I won t Nearly every five pages I was rolling my eyes Sorry Things have to make sense even if you re trying to be funny I blame the editors of this one Leaving in these impossible things distracts the readers I ended up really disliking the story because of it 25 starsI read this for the Cozy Mystery suare for Halloween Bingo Something was definitely fishy about Randy Terns s death and at least one of his children thought he deserved to be murdered Cozy mystery isn t a genre I usually spend a lot of time in but I ve dabbled and the ones I ve dabbled in tend to have a cozy calm mysterious but relaxing feel to them not so here The only time the heroine isn t on the go or jumping here and there is when she is asleep which doesn t last long She s in town to take over her grandmother s matchmaking business but doesn t uite have the touch but doesn t matter since she only focuses on that for about 3% of the story One of her neighbor Perhaps this book and the one previous will cure me of the undeniable temptation to buy Kindle books for 99 cents apiece I will take the problems in order1 The story didn t make any sense People have died but no one but Gladie thinks that s a problem that needs examining further Gladie s grandma is a successful matchmaker with a big house which she is too agoraphobic to leave so how has she built this success Everyone has money but no one has a source of money The bank was robbed but the bank robbers don t have the money The blackmailers get money but they aren t who you think they are and where does the money come from since the people they are blackmailing have no money The police department has a multi million dollar new building and a state of the art glass cell box but fewer than 20 officers and no 911 The protagonist is supposed to be learning to be a matchmaker in California in 2013 C mon but spends so much time indulging in her own love life that she doesn t have the time2 There is amusing or laugh out loud funny and then there is ridiculous and stupid The majority of the characters particularly the protagonist fell into the latter category They made decisions for no reason except they wanted to and the likelihood of things turning out well when everyone is positively self indulgent about every random impulse is nil yet the author makes it all turn out right which is laughable but not in a good way The heroine was particularly manic and the plot was flimsy and disjointed3 I try not to be too much of a raging feminist in my reviews because I don t like being accused of being utterly humorless but honestly Sexual harassment undermining big strong man as rescuer syndrome fat shaming the list goes on Not funny either And no don t tell me that stuff is what is expected in a cozy It is possible to write a good cozy without panderin. Drama Despite warnings from the distractingly gorgeous chief of police to steer clear of his investigation Gladie is out to prove that her neighbor’s death was murder It’s not too long before she’s in way over her head with the hunky police chief a dysfunctional family full of possible illers and yet another mysterious and handsome man whose attentions she’s unable to ignore Gladie is clearly being pursued either by true love or by a murderer Who will catch her firs.
An Affair to Dismember E–pub/Kindle
Pretty good book A mystery romance Gladie is trying to follow in her grandmother s footsteps and become a matchmaker But it s hard to concentrate on love when people eep dying 25 starsYou wouldn t think it but matchmaking is hard Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying as Gladie can attest to After a series of unsuccessful jobs Gladie returns home to take over her grandmother Zelda s matchmaking business Unfortu What a stupid bumbling boring book Awful It was so poorly written Find all of my reviews at friend Jilly gets the credit blame for this one after posting a review for Matchpoint the second in this series that she had picked up in order to decompress from some stabbier selections I thought that sounded like a good idea and it became an instantly better idea when I found out this first one was available on the ol Kindle for free That is perfect for me because Then I took a gander at her review for An Affair To Dismember and saw a comparison was made to the Stephanie Plum books which is the euivalent for me to this Jilly wasn t lying From a uirky grandma to a love triangle term used EXTREMELY loosely since it is not the dark ages and women are allowed to date than one man at a time until they DTR this truly does fall into the if you like Stephanie you ll probably like Gladie category Much like Stephanie poor Gladie is just trying to make a dollah outta fiteen cent She sucks at jobs though so she s ended up back at her Grandma s house in order to learn the family business of matchmaking I If I Never See You Again (Jo Birmingham know Inow you re just gonna have to ind of go with it and create some alternate reality in your head that makes this a viable career like the entire town is in a black hole with no WiFi so they don t have access to Tinder or matchcom When the neighbor dies Gladie doesn t think much of it until she goes and pays her respects on the family and gets a little info I don t think Randy Terns slipped and hit his head on the table I think he was murdered I think someone hit him over the head After that it s on like bing bong as Stephanie I mean Gladie becomes an amateur supersleuth while finding herself in various over the top predicaments Where she eeps running into the local police chief And also her Grandma s new neighbor who may or may not be the guy who shot Bin Laden If you re looking for something that s light and funny and could easily be turned into a Hallmark Mystery Channel movie of the week to veg out on while still in your PJs at 300 on a Saturday afternoon and while eating your weight in chocolate drizzled A Night on the Tiles kettlecorn not that Inow anyone who would do something like that this might be a winner Don t let the 3 Stars fool ya 3 Stars is about as high as I go when it comes to these types of books I really did have fun reading it Get it for free RIGHT HERE 35 starsDebutGladie Burger has been a matchmaker in training for three months Convinced that Gladie has the gift her grandmother Zelda has brought Gladie into her business Zelda s Matchmaking Services But after three months and no matches Gladie s not convinced When one of her neigbours dies Gladie stumbles into what looks like a case of murder With the dead man s strange family to contend with and hunting down his former colleagues Gladie is pitched headfirst into an investigation where there are too many suspects Coming up against the handsome new police chief Spencer Bolton and her mysterious and gorgeous new neighbour Arthur Holden Gl I noped out of this HARD First there was an incident where a bunch of rescue workers police firefighters maybe EMTs I don t remember have to rescue the MC from a telephone pole and are leering and being skeevy about seeing her underwear WHILE SHE S DANGLING FROM A TELEPHONE POLE WHAT THE FU. Certain to appeal to fans of Janet Evanovich Jennifer Crusie and Katie MacAlister Elise Sax’s hilarious series debut introduces matchmaker in training Gladie Burger who stumbles into a dangerous uagmire of murder and red hot romance Three months has been Gladie Burger’s limit when it comes to staying in one place She’s always been a temp agency ind of girl ever ready to move on That’s why Gladie is than a little skeptical when her eccentric Grandma Zelda recruits he.
free download An Affair to Dismember
Elise Sax worked as a journalist for fifteen years mostly in Paris France She took a detour from journalism and became a private investigator before trying her hand at writing fiction She lives in Southern California with her two sons An Affair to Dismember is her first novel